I had been out of work since March.  Just hanging out at the barn, going out to eat with my husband, and going to my doctor’s appointments.

My due date was April 27 but I was still having a lot of contractions and my doctor and I were unsure if I would make it to my due date.  I was going crazy being pregnant.  I needed to deliver the baby.  I knew whatever happened, would happen and my husband and I would deal with it.

(One day I was watching Grey’s Anatomy reruns and Derek was talking to Meredith.  I don’t even remember what the story line was but he said, “Whatever happens, happens. Let’s just live.”.  I tried to follow that advice…even though it was from a TV show 🙂 )

I explained this to my doctor–that I needed to have the baby soon.  I didn’t even think I could deliver her vaginally.  I didn’t think I was strong enough mentally. I thought he was going to have to do a c-section.  I described my fears to him and we decided the best thing would be to induce me when he was on call so that he would be the person to deliver my sweet baby C.

He was going to be out of town the few days before my due date, so I sort of talked him and the MFM doc into letting me be induced before 39 wks. I was 38 weeks and 6 days, big deal.  But it was a big deal and we had to have special permission from the hospital board.  The sited reason was for fetal anomaly.

The days leading up to my delivery are still a blur.  I know that I went in and met with the nursing manager of the OB unit.  I wanted to make sure that she understood that my baby would be a DNR.  I needed to know that anyone in my delivery room would respect our decision and not resuscitate our baby.  (She had some nursing education on it prior to my admission.)

The night I went into the hospital I was terrified.  I was admitted at 11 pm.  The OB resident on call was an intern when I was a senior resident, so I knew her and it made me feel a little better.  I explained the whole DNR thing to her, and she wrote the order in the chart.

The nurse that was assigned to us that night was wonderful.  It was the best experience I think I could have had.

My induction went off without a hitch.  The resident put in the cytotec at midnight and everything started.  She checked me at 2 and 4 and I was progressing.  By 5 I was requesting an epidural.

The CRNA that did my epidural was excellent.  I had worked with her when I was on call as a resident and I knew she would do a good job. And she did–I didn’t feel a thing.

My doc came in about 6 am and checked me and ruptured the membranes (broke my water).  I was about 4 cm dilated.

The senior resident on the ward that day was a friend.  She went to med school with us and was an intern with us.  I felt very comfortable with her and everyone else working that day.

I slept in between being checked.

They woke me up at 12 pm and told me I was 10 cm and it was time to push…

My husband says that when our resident friend said those words the color drained from my face and I had a look of absolute terror.  I cried for about 30 seconds, my husband gave me a pep talk, I put my hands on my belly (I couldn’t feel the contractions otherwise, thanks CRNA lady!), and started to push.

The room was very quiet.  I’ve been in several delivery rooms (med school etc), and this one was the most somber one I had experienced.  My resident, my attending OB, my pediatrician, my nurse, and my husband were the only people in the room.  Usually there is excitement in the room.  From what I remember, it felt like everyone was holding their breath–unsure what would happen and how this whole pregnancy was going to play out.

My sweet baby C popped right out after 30 minutes of pushing.  Her APGARs were 8 and 9.  She was 5 pounds, 5 ounces and 18.5 inches long and she looked perfect.